Monday, January 28, 2008

Red tide (not) rising

I had a fairly angsty infertility post that I wrote Saturday night and decided that it was too whiny to actually post. It comes down to two points:

1. It's been 7 weeks since my iud was removed, my cycle hasn't started up yet and I'm starting to get discouraged. Secretly, I had thought that after successfully getting through pregnancy once and three years without any real PCOS symptoms, I wouldn't have as hard a time of it this time. Instead, I'm actually worse off than the first time I tried to conceive, when I was having regular cycles even if I wasn't always ovulating. This perturbs me. I don't necessarily want to be pregnant right this minute, since the timing would be better if it happened this summer. What I want is to know I can get pregnant, and that certainly can't happen without my cycle starting. However, my chest has been getting progressivly more sore over the past week, so I'm hoping my cycle might meander around these parts one of these days. Maybe.

2. I've read from people who've experienced both that secondary infertility can be harder than the first time because a, after having one child, you know much more acutely what you're missing and b, since you have a child, you can't avoid children and babies. It's that second one that's getting to me a bit. I think about 90 percent of the people I know who had babies the same year I did are either pregnant or have already had a second baby. I feel nothing but the most sincere happiness for them and don't begrudge them their fertility for a moment. I just want it for myself too.

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